


i've tasted blood (it is sweet)

by CommanderMollyOBrien



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternative Universe - Canon Divergence, Aredhel Lives, At least for a while longer, C-PTSD, F/F, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Abusive Relationships, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Quenya Names, Recovery, Survivor Solidarity, aredhel deserved better
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:06:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28643424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommanderMollyOBrien/pseuds/CommanderMollyOBrien
Summary: In which Aredhel Ar-Feinel does not die from Eol's poisoned spear, and leaves Gondolin a second time. Title from Nightmare by Halsey.
Relationships: Aredhel & Celegorm | Turcafinwë, Aredhel & Fingon | Findekáno, Aredhel & Maedhros | Maitimo, Aredhel/Eöl (Tolkien), Aredhel/Haleth of the Haladin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter One: Gondolin

  
Aredhel opened her eyes. If this was the Halls of Mandos, then the view from the window looked quite a bit too much like Gondolin.

Lomion was asleep in a chair beside her bed.

"Lomion?" she said gently.

He blinked and started, "Amil! You're awake."

Aredhel smiled, "I'm alright. We're safe."

"Yeah," Lomion shook his head as though he couldn't quite believe what he was saying, "We're safe here. We have a life. We're safe."

  
Turukano had been so very kind.

Itarille had been so excited to see them and to show them around Gondolin.

It was a beautiful city.

She had a life, she had a family.

Eol was dead. 

She was safe. 

And she knew Turukano wouldn't let her leave. 

  
A month later, Irisse, not Eol's wife Aredhel, but Irisse Ara-Fanyiel of the Noldor, left Gondolin for the second and last time.

She left three notes in her bedroom. She kissed Lomion's forehead and told him she loved him no matter what.

Then she took her old armor and weapons, packed some supplies, and stole a horse.

She rode north like the wind off the Grinding Ice.

North, to Himring. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quenya Translations:  
> Amil - Mother  
> Ara-Fanyiel - Ar-Feiniel


	2. Interlude: Irisse's Letters Part One

_Dear Turukano,_

_For whatever it's worth, I'm sorry I couldn't say goodbye myself. But I cannot stay safe in Gondolin while our family risks their lives in the war against Moringotto and while more and more of Beleriand is destroyed. On a more selfish note, I have spent long decades imprisoned and I have no desire to spend centuries trapped in your city or to exchange one captor for a kinder one. I know you mean well, Turukano. That does not mean you have done no harm or will do none again._

_Please look after Lomion. For so long, I've been trying to protect him. I am afraid I did not always succeed. He will be angry I have left. I know you will be angry. Please understand why I have done this, Turukano._

_I hope I will see you again, brother, but if I do, we will both be on the battlefield against the Enemy._

_Your sister,_

_Irisse Ara-Fanyiel_


	3. Interlude: Irisse's Letters Part Two

_Dear Itarille,_

_I am sorry I have to leave like this. I cannot remain in Gondolin and I think you knew that. I cannot watch our family fight the Enemy without helping. I cannot stay in this unchanging, safe city._

_Gondolin is your home, Itarille. I know you are not a soldier, just as I know you will protect Gondolin when it falls, as all cities do. I know you love your father, and I love him as well. I also know you cannot always trust him.  
_

_Lomion will be angry I have left. I have been the only support that he has had, and for decades he has been my only support. He needs family, and I think the two of you will be friends._

_I think we both know that I will not see you again for a very long time. Please know that I love you and I am certain that what you will accomplish will be as great as any warrior of the Noldor._

_Your aunt,_

_Irisse_


	4. Interlude: Irisse's Letters Part Three

_Dear Lomion,_

_I wish I could have said a better goodbye. I wish I could have gotten you to safety sooner. I wish I could have stayed with you. But I cannot stay in Gondolin while Beleriand is burning. I need you to be safe, my son. Please forgive me._

_You are not alone, Lomion. Turukano will look after you. Trust Itarille, she has the wisdom my siblings and I never had. You will build a life here in Gondolin, with people who love you._

_I know that you have spent your life in fear of your father. Here, you will be able to build a life without fear. You can heal, Lomion. I know you can. You are worthy of so much love, and you will be loved, Lomion._

_Goodbye, my son. I am sorry that I could not protect you earlier and that I cannot stay with you now._

_All my love,  
_

_Amil_


End file.
